speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
