I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
