I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So here I am, sexting at work.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
