she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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