Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
