i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
