Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
