I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize