Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
