After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
