I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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