Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
