somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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