i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
