she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
