So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
