i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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