Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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