I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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