You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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