so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
