In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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