it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
