i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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