I just saw a hot homeless man
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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