I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
