Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
