Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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