I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
