and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
