I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
