So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
