sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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