; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
