I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Holy sore nipples Batman
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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