My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
