how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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