the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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