Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
