The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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