I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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