Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
