I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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