the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
