His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
