what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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