take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
