ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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