mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Jerry, you need to find god
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
