I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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