I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
