I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
