Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
