I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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