i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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