Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
