Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
