no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize