Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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