Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
