Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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