it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
