I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
