My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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