If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
