if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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