new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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