If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
