im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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