nut hugger
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
