$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
