She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
