Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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